Love can build a bridge...

I have a few declarations to make. 

1.) All promiscuous girls named Nicky need to be sewn up and have their breasts removed. 

-Make that all promiscuous girls.

2.) Guys in their twenties/ late teens don't look right without hair on their chest.

-Ronnie looks right just the way he is... ;]

3.) My [fifteen pound] male cat sounds like a girl kitty.  
-what a pussy.

4.) Ronnie Wayne is amazing.  

-I like him a lot. :/

5.) Auctions suck. 
-and dislocating your thumb sucks too. 

6.) Veterans' day ceremonies make me cry sometimes.

-Especially when all my babies tell me how much they missed me. :/ 

7.) All the Blogger fonts look the same. 
-And this sucks. 
8.) Serial killers are sick people, but they are not insane. 

I have discovered that I am quite good at making Jell-O.

And dislocating my thumb, apparently.

||rwy||

tyler shields- Robots

wednesday night [11-10] i met someone who is..

well, i won't worry about filling in that blank yet. 

but let's just say, i do like him. 

and maybe this could turn into something great.

but i have to keep remembering that i did just meet him two days ago. 
i'm not really worried about it right now. 
i should let it unfold. 

that same day [11-10] i had a rather traumatizing experience. 
one of my best friends, who has already professed her love for the guy she is ACTIVELY dating, 
had sex with a guy who is NOT the guy she is actively dating. 
and i got to listen to the whole thing. 
which made my conversations with the new guy a whole lot more awkward. 
i'm hoping that he still wants to get to know me, and i think that he does. 
but maybe if he thinks he can get it from promiscuous girls like that friend of mine,
he won't be interested in me. 
honestly, i don't believe, even for a second, that he's like that.
somehow I'm just willing to believe that he's different.

"A camera is just an expensive paperweight if you don't use it". 

 

  

some day I'll be pretty like Jackie O. 

 

Desperation.

I need a new dance portfolio. Which means professional pictures.
From a professional. An expensive one.
This worries me. Yes, I'm back under my goal weight and on top of my game, as far as the routines go. I'm finally able to keep up with the skinny girls.
But I'm still getting the headaches and dizziness whenever I go for multiple leaps.
I don't understand it. What's wrong with my head?
It should be nothing. But the fact that this happens to me every time I dance indicates that it is not 'nothing'. It's something. Hopefully it's not something serious.

suffering.

this week, seven weeks into my pregnancy, i had a miscarriage. 

today my boyfriend broke up with me. 

why?

because i 'killed his child'.
does he not realize that i am in more pain than he?
or does he just not care?

second day of school.

I would just like to say, school is AMAZING.
My friends, teachers, and my work are so fantastic. It's like this is where I fit.

Honestly, if this is what college is like, it's better than kindergarten.
The only class I haven't been to yet is Hebrew.
And it's HEBREW. So I'm probably going to LOVE it.

But in other words, I'm going to be starting a blog strictly for my FYE class. I'm not sure if I should post it here, on my LadyRawbs page, or start a new one. Either way, I'd keep this one. I probably will start another one, just to keep the two blogs from getting mixed up. That might be best.
I can't wait to start making more new friends.

stress.

I believe that the reason I'm having trouble losing weight is stress. 90% of this stress comes from my "father". Biologically, he is my parent, but emotionally we are at a permanent disconnect.

He is abusive, controlling, and judgmental. He smokes marijuana and drinks beer every day. I am not exaggerating. I moved out of his house in 2008 when he decided it was okay to take his anger out on me physically. I have not been back there yet.

Now, the only tie I have to him is my college fund. He has control of it until my birthday, which is September 8th. It's not that far away, but my financial deadline is next week. He does not trust me [with MY money?] and says I can't be trusted to pay for the things that I need.
Now, a question. Why would I spend my college fund on anything other than COLLEGE? I'm an average girl from a middle-class family, I have everything I need and most of the things I want.
I have been waiting YEARS to go to this college and I got accepted! I have almost a full scholarship. I would NEVER do anything stupid that would jeopardize my funding or my career.
The real problem here is not me and the level of trust. The real problem is that he wants control. Over me, and over my life. And I'm almost a legal adult, so he is losing that control, and it angers him.
I wish I could just go it alone and ignore him until I have the control over the fund, but I NEED that money for my textbooks and fees that I have to have by next week.
So what do I do? I don't have that many options. I guess I have to play nice until my birthday. Then I will be done with him for good, and I won't change my mind.

My whole existence is flawed, you get me closer to God.

Florida is where I belong... I can't deny it anymore.

No matter how depressed and whiny and pathetic I'm being, the beach always pushes all that away.

Sand burns, jellyfish stings, sand in my bikini, they don't hurt me. And they make me forget the heartbreak, the sadness and the pain. None of that matters when I'm in Florida. What matters is that the sun rises every day and the waves wash onto the shore. What matters is that my aunt will always make me a Hurricane when I feel like being adventurous, or go swimming in the bay with me. There's bike paths, fishing piers, and bars.
There's Cocodrie's, and the pagoda, and SeaDoo rentals.
There's 800 miles of beach just begging to be explored.

But here?
There's nothing here... nothing that keeps me tied down. I just want to go to Navarre and forget I ever lived here. All the drama, the lies and the high school crap can just sink into the gulf.
I want to do my four years, get my bachelor's, finish my master's and move. In that order.
I don't want to get involved with anyone here. If there's love for me, he's in Florida. And if he's not, well, that's not really my problem.

The main problem with love [other than it being absolutely a lie, blah blah blah, just ask any emo kid if you want the full scoop] is that I base it off movies. And movie stereotypes. Those movie stereotypes have been what sucked me in. You think you caught an ace, but he ends up being the joker. Cry, eat your feelings, repeat.

Most recently, I went for The Fat Guy. Everyone knows one. The guy who is big, but sweet, and adorable. The one who brings the girl flowers without her even asking because he already knows her favorite type of flower. The one who listens on the phone with the girl he's in love with. The girl who dates the much-thinner arrogant jerk. Then towards the end of the film, something happens, the boyfriend runs off, and FG steps in. He makes her feel better, tells her he loves her. She realizes, damn, why have I been wasting my time with skinny jerk when FG was right here all the time? They kiss, sometimes have sex, probably end up married. End of film. Great reviews, bravo.
In movies, this guy would be played by Kevin James or someone of equal attractiveness. A stud with a little extra, and some pretty eyes.

But of course, my life can't ever be like the movies. My FG was a dream at first, but then he turned into this total controlling jerk. In the course of 20 minutes, he picked up my phone SIX times to go through what was presumably my messages and my pictures. Every time I got a new message, he would read it. He'd lean over my shoulder to watch me text. I thought it was cute, for about five minutes. Then after that, I hated it. He never trusted me. I guess it's because he couldn't be trusted either.

Last night, I sent a picture to him. An innocent picture, of my sister, my cousin, and me. But I also sent it to three other people. Apparently their numbers showed up in the message, because he texted them all. He wanted to know who they were, and why they talked to me. He also verbally assaulted my best friend. I was completely oblivious to all of this, because I was out at dinner with the two amazing people in the picture. 
I don't know why he did this. Probably because I was having a girls' night out. He didn't want me to go out, but I did, so he tried revenge.

He set me up, made my friends angry, and now two of them are still not speaking to me. So of course, I broke up with him. Over text message, because if I had seen him face to face, I probably would have harmed him bodily. I told him, "This is where I draw the line. We are done, and I won't change my mind". You may be my boyfriend, but if I have to pick between you and the people who know me best, your chances are much slimmer than your waistline.

My other movie stereotype is the Country Boy. You probably know one of these, too. The sexy drawl and the Wranglers, the "Yes ma'am" attitude and the big truck.
For this stereotype, I chose Brad Paisley because A.) he kind of looks like my real life Country Boy, and B.) because he's just... smoking... ouch.
The movie CB is probably dark tanned from working in the sun. He takes off his hat and opens doors for the ladies, and gives the guys a firm handshake. He looks you in the eye, and speaks respectfully, even though he has that drawl that could sometimes be hard to understand.
Oh, I wish.

My real life CB was great. Absolutely gorgeous. Good body, great smile. He kept his truck clean and took care of me...
And his girlfriend.
Found out about her when I found one of her bras in his truck. The good part is, he didn't try to deny it. So at least it was over quickly.

More stereotypes later, I have some cheetos to attend to. :D

I'm sorry that I've been letting my blog fall by the wayside. I've been having a rough time lately and I haven't really been focusing. 

Probably because I just don't love myself anymore. As pathetic as it is, it's true.

I don't love myself, I can't. I hate myself every time I look in the mirror.

I mean, sure, my mirror image is pretty. But that's all she is. An image. When I look at her, she has no personality. She's unsmiling, boring, and sad looking. Flat, stoic. Expressionless. She's violent in her anger and cold in her depression, but never hot in passion. She has no passion. She's just an icy bitch.

I see no reason to love this person, as it's clear no one else does.

Why should I love myself if no one else can? What's the motivation?

There's nothing special anymore. The sun just rises. It burns, it scorches my skin and I feel nothing. The waves crash and the sound is deafening, but it doesn't move me. It bores me. When I was in love I used to thank the sun for rising, I'd call the waves to me so that I could appreciate them the way I appreciated life. But not anymore. I thank the sun for setting so that I can just go to sleep and forget things. My dreams are amazing, but when I wake up I remember how painful my life is, so I can't wait to go back to sleep.

So what am I looking for? Love? I don't know. I'm not really looking anymore. I'm sort of just waiting for the day the sun falls into the sea and kills everything. That way I can forget to be envious of people who are in love the way I used to be. Maybe if he comes along and finds me, he can wipe my tears. But I can't. I don't have the energy anymore, so it's amazing that I still have the energy to cry.

Have you ever hated someone, like really hated them, and still not been able to get them off your mind?

Let's be perfectly clear about this, I hate CB. Hate, hate, HATE everything about him.  But he's still just constantly in my head. I even had a dream about him last night.
What the hell. I don't want to think about him. But I've just been remembering everything. The stupid gap-toothed smile, the way his sisters glared at me whenever we'd see them. The way I was so sure he was mine forever and I even had the ring to prove it... Until he sold it. 

CB cheated on me. With a band geek, of all people. A fat band geek who was in rehab for drug abuse. How much more comical could you get? Then he decided he preferred said band geek, and told me he'd "rather be alone". Why would you lie like that?? At least if he had told the truth, I wouldn't have waited around (for a week). I could have moved on as quickly as you did, you self-centered nasty afro-pig. 


At least in my dream I was a b**** to him. I dreamed I stole his girlfriend's rings and sold them on Ebay. I made about $500 per ring, and there were six of them. 
Hmmm... I wonder how much her organs are worth? Although they might not be worth much since she is a druggie freak. Oh well.. I bet I can find something to do with them. ;)

a little less conversation, a little more action..

Springboard was Tuesday (and Wednesday). My roommate was cute. She was from South LA and had this kickass French accent, but not much personality. Shame.
Our entertainment for Tuesday night was comedian Tim Young.

 He's just hot. He kept staring at me throughout the show, so either I just look funny or he definitely noticed me.
I'm kind of wondering if it was the latter, but hey, I've had people tell me I look weird, so it could be anything, right?
My team [Team Better Than You (colon) Suck It] won the Mega Relay Tuesday night.
They were behind at first but they caught up and WON! I was the cheerleader so I was like WOOHOOOOOO! since I couldn't participate due to my asthma, which is still bothering me today. Oh well. I still had a lot of fun being Cheermeister.

As for guys? There weren't that many cuties. A few, but nothing to blog home about. I also got my schedule! It is as follows, and I'm so excited.
 

Intro to Psych with Dr. S.
m-w-f, 9:00-9:50 am
[okay so I'm not exactly excited about 9 AM mwf, but it's better than 8 am. SOOO tired of 8 am classes. Plus I absolutely LOVE Dr S. He's just... in a word... fantastic]

Beginning Jazz [dance] in the Fitness Center.
tues-thurs, 9:45-11:00 am
[can I just say I feel like a kid on Christmas here? So excited! I've never taken jazz before. That means split-sole shoes, all new dance pants, and shiny outfits!] 

 
FYE with Dr. N. 
m-w-f, 11:00-11:50 am
[So FYE (first year experience) is a Core class. Lots of writing. Pff. But I've heard the professor is big on art history. That's fantastic, I happen to love art but hopefully I won't have to study any naked statues. Come on, Michelangelo, if you're going to make a statue of a nudie, at least give him something for the girls to look at.  ]

 


 Bio 101-A with Dr. L
m-w, 1:00- 3:45 pm
[No class on friday! w00t! So maybe I can get a job. I haven't heard anything about the professor except that her class focuses more on animal behavior. YAY! No more "biology" with a botany focus. Bring me some dead animals!]

Last, but certainly not least and DEFINITELY my favorite,
Biblical Hebrew with Dr. D
tues-thurs, 2:00 to 3:15 pm
I am so excited! Hebrew?!?! YES!! Now I can actually talk to my grandma and know what she's saying in EVERY language. Except German. I still don't understand what she says in German. Scheiße.


Anstyways, now I'm going to go dance, since I'm listening to Elvis and I feel like it.

Ooh yay! I have a follower! This is exciting.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I had a newborn, and he was beautiful, he had red hair like mine and everything. I was really proud of him, and my entire family loved him. But I don't think I knew who the father was. Or, if I did, he wasn't around.
Well, thank God that's not possible. It really scared me, though. What does a single mother feel? How does she find the strength?
I was going to delve into the whole topic of pregnancy and pregnancy dreams, but that would require dredging through sexual tendencies. Fortunately there are NO stories of that kind for me. I'm so afraid to go through pregnancy or any other sexual consequences by myself. If I have to deal with stuff like that, my husband will have to be right there next to me.

Does anyone else ever have phases where you constantly have babies on the brain? Is this normal, or am I just weird? Do any of y'all ever have pregnancy dreams? Why am I having them?

i lied. i have been somewhere else. I've been on Xanga for days!

muahahahahahahahahah *cough*

Anyways. yes. Xanga. Rawbs' Xanga is a dangerous, addicting place with lots of pictures and girly colors.

I feel like a traitor because I haven't updated in days.
But I haven't been anywhere else either [except facebook] so I suppose I'm not a traitor.
Springboard is tomorrow. I suppose it's not so bad but I just feel this anxiety. I love meeting new people, LOVE LOVE LOVE newbies. I just hate MEETING them. You know?
It scares me to think that I'll be at a new place with a bunch of new people. What will they think of me? [Actually, that's the least of my worries.] What I'm most worried about is having to talk to them. What will I say?
Will I look like a dork, like I always do when meeting new people? Definitely.
Will I make new friends?
Hopefully.
I know Maghen and Jennifer will be there tomorrow so at least that's somewhat promising.
I haven't talked to Jenny since eighth grade. It's pathetic that I haven't, but what should I say? "Hey, I know we used to be best friends in spite of the fact that we always competed against each other and sometimes hated each other. In spite of that hate I've always loved you like my favorite sister"  ?

That will go over well. I can see it already. "Umm... you're a loser."
Actually no, she wouldn't say that. But what would she say?

Anyways. S.N. is underway for a month. I miss talking to him. I think he was mad at me right before he left. Probably. Did I do something bad? I feel like an ass. Should I feel like an ass? I don't know. I don't know how I should feel. Is that bad? Ugh. I've got so much indecision that I just feel like a Magic Eight Ball. If you really want the answer, just shake me.

A little over six weeks left.

Then I'll be in Connectisuck, as my brother so lovinly refers to it. My last trip before I have to go back to school! BLEH.
So, these six weeks will basically consist of me runnin' my little ass off. Seriously. No more six-mile runs, but hopefully my butt (legs, stomach, et cetera) will be impressive enough by then to make ol' Momaroo squirm where she stands.
I haven't decided if I should join a gym, or just run outside like I do. Obviously, running outside is free. But in a gym there's more privacy. And I doubt it would happen, but in case I hurt myself, AnyTime has a medic. They also have snackage and towels and whatnot. I like towels :]
But the whole point is, running outside is free. And once I get in my zone it doesn't really matter whether anyone is around or not. I'm running, the ground is screaming because I'm beating it to pieces, my lungs are screaming for air, my iPod is screaming insane tunes that only make me want to run faster, and my skin is screaming because it's hot. Oh yeah, that's a huge problem.
Today, the temperature is 90 degrees. Not so bad, except Humidity is 59%. When I walk outside, it's like walking into a sauna, only the sauna smells like grass. Humidity is absolutely awful. Yet another reason I should have gone to UConn.
It's 74 degrees there right now. Oh my gosh, I'd die of happiness. 74 in the summer? That's jacket weather, people. JACKET WEATHER.

Lately, I've been slapped with a quandary. About a male. My brain can't wrap itself around this... relationship? Can I call it that? I have no idea. I can't get him out of my head, but the whole problem is, he's thousands of miles away. Also, being male, he's probably not a fan of commitment. But then, he's not like other guys... He's completely different. Which is why I think about him often. He probably thinks I'm just some silly girl with boys on her mind. And occasionally, sometimes frequently, that's correct. But... I can't help wondering how he feels about me. Should I ask him? If I do that, will he lose interest in me? All these thoughts and questions.. My mind is racing. I'm just so hopeless.  : /

don't call my name, don't call my name, roberto.

This weekend, although it just began, has proven itself to be interesting. 

Last night I went to Goldenland Superior with my new friend KC. KC is VERY sheltered (by his own choice) and quite funny once you actually get him to talk. He's a vegetarian [bleh] and all animal-rights and ethical treatment and whatnot. Eh. He also has never heard of Lady Gaga. So I got to expose him. :]

He's kind of self-centered, but hey, look who's talking. I surround myself with self-centered people to make me feel better about my own narcissism. Ha.

He has this awesome (but scary) toucan, named Daphne. She's beautiful and all, but evil. Eeeeevil. I can see it in her little birdy eyes. Rop rop rop. 

I discovered two things this week. Two amazing things. 

The first is a Stay Awake pill. You can buy it under the brand name Vivarin, about $7 for 40, or in generics for a bit cheaper.

I found it in generic for about $3 at Wal-Mart. 80 little yellow tablets. The name on the box just said "Stay Awake", so I was like 'okay, this will help with my experiment'.

 ...

The first thing I'm going to tell you about this pill is, whoever picked the name was completely off. The name of this pill is not Stay Awake. The proper name for a pill of this amazingness and magnitude is Woohoo. I took one pill (on a semi-full stomach) and felt so energized I could have run many miles. Which I did. Six, to be exact. Six miles on a treadmill without stopping or pausing is pretty impressive for an asthmatic. I still haven't gotten acclimated to the ground not moving. I feel like I should still be bouncing along at a good pace. A saunter just feels much too slow. I want to run a million miles but I know I could never do that since the cops would arrest me for assaulting the sidewalk. 

Just kidding. 

I haven't slept for more than 4 hours since I took the pill. Thursday. But I haven't really felt tired. I think I'm feeling the first signs of slowing down. I'm not really sure. I haven't felt a crash, or any nausea, or anything like that. I'm just starting to feel slightly tired. Like it's 11 PM and I've had a pretty normal day. Not at all like I haven't slept for a long time. All in all, I wouldn't recommend buying this unless you genuinely need to stay awake for a long time. It can't be good for you. But if you DO take this pill, EAT. If you don't, you will become a pukey mess once the energy takes over. And no one likes that. SO not fabulous. :]

My second discovery is Sprecher cream soda. This stuff is.. in a word [or five], a party in your mouth.

My mom, of course, claims to have known about Sprecher since they opened their company. I doubt that's true, but they've been around since 1985 which is pre- LadyRawbs so there is really no way for me to tell. Sprecher makes gourmet soda; year-round, seasonal, and limited-release beer; and, apparently, Barbecue sauce?!? 

They have all kinds of root beer-related things.

Root Beer, of course. My little brother, who considers himself a connoisseur of such, says that Sprecher is one of the best. He says it is #3 out of his Top Five. 

Cream soda, which currently resides in my fridge and is the whole purpose for this particular post.

Orange Dream, which I'm dying to try.

Ginger Ale, which my mom says is amazing (she was the one who instructed me to put that in italics).

Lo-Cal Root Beer. Bleh. Doesn't sound much different from the original, except this one contains Saccharin. :/

And a couple other flavors that sound exciting. At least, more exciting than that last one.

Anyway, my weekend is pretty good thus far, save for evil birds attacking my feet. Broke up with Ryan, and he just got MORE annoying. I didn't know it was possible, but it is. Thank God I got to see this, if I hadn't I might end up doing something truly stupid like being with him any longer.
Making travel plans now, Florida this month, and Connecticut next month. I can't wait to see my family, and S.N.

Wtf??

I can't believe Llama isn't in my phone's T9 dictionary!!!

S.N. just told me to go to sleep.

In my sugar-high, pizza-overdosed, sleep-underdosed mind, I was thinking, 

"NEEVEEEERRRRRRR!" and slam-dancing in my Cat In The Hat boxers and Hello Kitty cape.

But I simply replied.. "Baby." [with an imaginary :p face]

I guess I have to give him credit since it's 3 AM there, not 2, and he does have to work in three hours or so.

NANNY NANNY BOO BOO, THE GROWN UPS ARE GONNA GET YOUUUUU.

And with that said, I'm going to sleep too, before I send anymore strange messages I'll regret later.


Good night, happy blog people.

New blog? Lolwut?

Since my old blog is now irrelevant, because I'm an alumnus (yay!) I've started a new [public] blog. I'm keeping the old one, if you want to read it then I'll add you to its readers.
I can't begin to imagine why anyone would want to read my high-school ditherings, but I've had a couple requests from my TROLLS who won't join Blogger. So thar you go. :]

I signed up for Springboard and my session is June 15-16.  For anyone who doesn't know, Springboard is freshmeat orientation at Centenary. That's where we schedule classes, take aptitude tests, meet with Freshman Advisers and whatnot.
I really don't want to go. I hate going to events where I'm brand-new. Admittedly, lots of other people there will be new as well, but that doesn't ease my dread. There's already a sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of having to go somewhere alone.
I don't do anything alone. Except, well, you know, private things. I don't know why. I'm just afraid to do stuff alone. Shop, go out to eat, do ANYTHING in public. I'm self-conscious when I'm alone. I pull at my clothes, constantly tug at my hair, take out my cell phone and text anyone just to be a little distracted. Sad but true.
Ugh. I guess I just have to do this. Seems unnecessary to me. But how will I register for classes if I don't go?

Speaking of things I have to do, I have to find a travel mate. June? Florida. July? California. August? Shreveport, Louisiana. Ergh. I really want to get out of here. I guess I should have taken my brother's advice and gone to UConn but they weren't as interested in me as Centenary was. I guess I should be grateful, a lot of my friends got denied by Centenary and the ones who got accepted didn't get as much scholarship moola. But I just feel like I should be.. exploring. Not cooped up like some retarded chicken. If I stay penned too long, I'm going to end up having a gimpy wing.






Anyway, tomorrow should be a long day of shopping with my sister. So, I'll take pictures if necessary, cover my eyes if I must [it's imminent] and be sure to update if anything gooey happens.  : /

Update: 6/5/10

For my Northerner friends: AKA Nate, Jesse, Jeremy and others
I'll be in Groton with brother and family (and Nate) from Jul. 23 to August 10th.

Ego amo mea familia.

Rawbs- "If you put on those heels three times, you'll turn into a gay model."

Mutti- "I believe that's, if you get bit three times you'll turn into a vampire."

Rawbs- "What's the difference, neither one eats..."

"We'll teach you to walk like a model yet!"

"No we won't! You WILL be straight."

Killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb...

I'm tired of feeling alone. I feel like there's no one in this town on my level in more ways than one. The people on my level, lexically, are emotionally immature. And vice versa. I just want him to have a frequently-utilized brain, nice teeth, a great ass, and no baggage. See? I'm not picky. I'm easy to please. So where is he?
The guy with the key to my heart. Does he exist? Blue [or green.. or even just pretty] eyes, clean teeth, nice ass, no baggage, intelligent, at least semi good-looking.
Has to see me as Venus in human form, calls me Goddess Divine on the days that I feel [and maybe look] like crap. But other than that, he can have little character flaws. Batman boxers? I won't judge, though if you wear batman briefs it might be short-lived. Slightly lazy? Me too. :)
Maybe all this isn't necessary. But my entire life I've never been able to find a guy that I really felt something for. Sure, you "love" someone, but for how long? If he's out there, I need to find him. I'm driving everyone else nuts.

My life has officially settled into "boring".

So boring that I'm going to blog about a roach. Literally, a wiggly roach thing that came storming through my kitchen today. A nasty, funny looking roach. And not a small one either. A frigging huge one. So anyway.

I was just minding my own business, preparing to spray a cat with a water bottle, when something walked under my cat. I was like what the hell is that? And it moved again. I was like well it's not a beetle, it's too big. Small rat? Not furry enough. I got closer, and damned if the thing didn't fly up and try and hit me in the face! So I sprayed the hell out of it until it was practically drowning in water, and my mom squished it. I was going to squish it but I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell it was. After she squished it, it KEPT MOVING! I was like DIE MOTHAFRITO! and sprayed it some more. To absolutely no avail. So then it became a game between me and my kitten and other cat, batting it around while it wiggled. Then I accidentally squished it and I was like ohbugger. Paper-toweled it, put it in the trash and left it. Came back and fished it out an hour later to take a picture of it and it was still alive. Still wiggling. So what the hell?

Speaking of still alive, my ex boyfriend DJ is seriously driving me nuts. Last night he sent me a message that said 'Hey, just wanted you to know I'm in the hospital'. He went on to say that he was on a respirator [and texting me?] and that he'd been electrocuted with 277 volts. He was in, and I quote, "some hospital in Texas". Didn't remember much, which is reasonable. I told him I was sorry he was in the hospital, and he just kept talking. Then today, someone texted me from his phone to "update me on his condition". This person, whoever it is, most likely DJ, is VERY nosy. Wanting to know if I still loved him, etc.
This person then told me that his heart had failed three times, that his lungs were "fried" and that he had been bleeding in his brain. When I asked where he was, this person had basically the same reply, "some hospital in Dallas". He/ she/ whoever said that Derek was in the ICU, but that he would be getting released today.
What?
This is where I call bullshit. You do NOT get released from the ICU and go directly home. You get released from ICU, they move you into non-intensive, and you get treatment. They also would not release anyone who had cerebral hemorrhaging, had to be diagnosed with an AED, or had "fried" lungs. If he really had cerebral hemorrhaging, he'd still be in the ICU. Not even general care. And ESPECIALLY not at home.

And this person's explanation for the times his heart stopped? "I guess he still had some amount of electricity still in his body. The doctor thought they were going to have to put a little pacemaker in his chest."

Do I look stupid? Is that it? Is the word "idiot" written on my forehead in a language only Louisiana boys can understand? I was not born blind, dumb, deaf, yesterday, stupid, or in a barn. My mother is a scientist, and she's also training to be an EMT. I'm going to Centenary for Biology and Therapy. So if you want to pull the wool over someone's eyes, do it to someone less involved in the medical profession.