I'm sorry that I've been letting my blog fall by the wayside. I've been having a rough time lately and I haven't really been focusing. 

Probably because I just don't love myself anymore. As pathetic as it is, it's true.

I don't love myself, I can't. I hate myself every time I look in the mirror.

I mean, sure, my mirror image is pretty. But that's all she is. An image. When I look at her, she has no personality. She's unsmiling, boring, and sad looking. Flat, stoic. Expressionless. She's violent in her anger and cold in her depression, but never hot in passion. She has no passion. She's just an icy bitch.

I see no reason to love this person, as it's clear no one else does.

Why should I love myself if no one else can? What's the motivation?

There's nothing special anymore. The sun just rises. It burns, it scorches my skin and I feel nothing. The waves crash and the sound is deafening, but it doesn't move me. It bores me. When I was in love I used to thank the sun for rising, I'd call the waves to me so that I could appreciate them the way I appreciated life. But not anymore. I thank the sun for setting so that I can just go to sleep and forget things. My dreams are amazing, but when I wake up I remember how painful my life is, so I can't wait to go back to sleep.

So what am I looking for? Love? I don't know. I'm not really looking anymore. I'm sort of just waiting for the day the sun falls into the sea and kills everything. That way I can forget to be envious of people who are in love the way I used to be. Maybe if he comes along and finds me, he can wipe my tears. But I can't. I don't have the energy anymore, so it's amazing that I still have the energy to cry.