The main problem with love [other than it being absolutely a lie, blah blah blah, just ask any emo kid if you want the full scoop] is that I base it off movies. And movie stereotypes. Those movie stereotypes have been what sucked me in. You think you caught an ace, but he ends up being the joker. Cry, eat your feelings, repeat.

Most recently, I went for The Fat Guy. Everyone knows one. The guy who is big, but sweet, and adorable. The one who brings the girl flowers without her even asking because he already knows her favorite type of flower. The one who listens on the phone with the girl he's in love with. The girl who dates the much-thinner arrogant jerk. Then towards the end of the film, something happens, the boyfriend runs off, and FG steps in. He makes her feel better, tells her he loves her. She realizes, damn, why have I been wasting my time with skinny jerk when FG was right here all the time? They kiss, sometimes have sex, probably end up married. End of film. Great reviews, bravo.
In movies, this guy would be played by Kevin James or someone of equal attractiveness. A stud with a little extra, and some pretty eyes.

But of course, my life can't ever be like the movies. My FG was a dream at first, but then he turned into this total controlling jerk. In the course of 20 minutes, he picked up my phone SIX times to go through what was presumably my messages and my pictures. Every time I got a new message, he would read it. He'd lean over my shoulder to watch me text. I thought it was cute, for about five minutes. Then after that, I hated it. He never trusted me. I guess it's because he couldn't be trusted either.

Last night, I sent a picture to him. An innocent picture, of my sister, my cousin, and me. But I also sent it to three other people. Apparently their numbers showed up in the message, because he texted them all. He wanted to know who they were, and why they talked to me. He also verbally assaulted my best friend. I was completely oblivious to all of this, because I was out at dinner with the two amazing people in the picture. 
I don't know why he did this. Probably because I was having a girls' night out. He didn't want me to go out, but I did, so he tried revenge.

He set me up, made my friends angry, and now two of them are still not speaking to me. So of course, I broke up with him. Over text message, because if I had seen him face to face, I probably would have harmed him bodily. I told him, "This is where I draw the line. We are done, and I won't change my mind". You may be my boyfriend, but if I have to pick between you and the people who know me best, your chances are much slimmer than your waistline.

My other movie stereotype is the Country Boy. You probably know one of these, too. The sexy drawl and the Wranglers, the "Yes ma'am" attitude and the big truck.
For this stereotype, I chose Brad Paisley because A.) he kind of looks like my real life Country Boy, and B.) because he's just... smoking... ouch.
The movie CB is probably dark tanned from working in the sun. He takes off his hat and opens doors for the ladies, and gives the guys a firm handshake. He looks you in the eye, and speaks respectfully, even though he has that drawl that could sometimes be hard to understand.
Oh, I wish.

My real life CB was great. Absolutely gorgeous. Good body, great smile. He kept his truck clean and took care of me...
And his girlfriend.
Found out about her when I found one of her bras in his truck. The good part is, he didn't try to deny it. So at least it was over quickly.

More stereotypes later, I have some cheetos to attend to. :D