My life has officially settled into "boring".

So boring that I'm going to blog about a roach. Literally, a wiggly roach thing that came storming through my kitchen today. A nasty, funny looking roach. And not a small one either. A frigging huge one. So anyway.

I was just minding my own business, preparing to spray a cat with a water bottle, when something walked under my cat. I was like what the hell is that? And it moved again. I was like well it's not a beetle, it's too big. Small rat? Not furry enough. I got closer, and damned if the thing didn't fly up and try and hit me in the face! So I sprayed the hell out of it until it was practically drowning in water, and my mom squished it. I was going to squish it but I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell it was. After she squished it, it KEPT MOVING! I was like DIE MOTHAFRITO! and sprayed it some more. To absolutely no avail. So then it became a game between me and my kitten and other cat, batting it around while it wiggled. Then I accidentally squished it and I was like ohbugger. Paper-toweled it, put it in the trash and left it. Came back and fished it out an hour later to take a picture of it and it was still alive. Still wiggling. So what the hell?

Speaking of still alive, my ex boyfriend DJ is seriously driving me nuts. Last night he sent me a message that said 'Hey, just wanted you to know I'm in the hospital'. He went on to say that he was on a respirator [and texting me?] and that he'd been electrocuted with 277 volts. He was in, and I quote, "some hospital in Texas". Didn't remember much, which is reasonable. I told him I was sorry he was in the hospital, and he just kept talking. Then today, someone texted me from his phone to "update me on his condition". This person, whoever it is, most likely DJ, is VERY nosy. Wanting to know if I still loved him, etc.
This person then told me that his heart had failed three times, that his lungs were "fried" and that he had been bleeding in his brain. When I asked where he was, this person had basically the same reply, "some hospital in Dallas". He/ she/ whoever said that Derek was in the ICU, but that he would be getting released today.
What?
This is where I call bullshit. You do NOT get released from the ICU and go directly home. You get released from ICU, they move you into non-intensive, and you get treatment. They also would not release anyone who had cerebral hemorrhaging, had to be diagnosed with an AED, or had "fried" lungs. If he really had cerebral hemorrhaging, he'd still be in the ICU. Not even general care. And ESPECIALLY not at home.

And this person's explanation for the times his heart stopped? "I guess he still had some amount of electricity still in his body. The doctor thought they were going to have to put a little pacemaker in his chest."

Do I look stupid? Is that it? Is the word "idiot" written on my forehead in a language only Louisiana boys can understand? I was not born blind, dumb, deaf, yesterday, stupid, or in a barn. My mother is a scientist, and she's also training to be an EMT. I'm going to Centenary for Biology and Therapy. So if you want to pull the wool over someone's eyes, do it to someone less involved in the medical profession.