today

has been a long and frustrating day.
I've only completed four of the eight calculus problems that are due in approximately three and a half hours, and I don't know anyone who is good at calculus.
Well, maybe a few people.
I just need to find someone.
BFE is being a real jerk today. Just because you helped me make a stupid Tumblr does not mean you have to educate me about it like I'm four.
"Don't post everything you're doing on it like it's facebook or twitter!"
Well, obviously.
I wonder why she's so angry with me all the time.

my best friend hates me.
my mother feels the need to talk to me even when i'm SERIOUSLY busy.
girls get jealous of me over a guy i'm not even interested in.
guys look over me like i have the plague or warts.
my life may not be hard, but it's fucking terrible.

Am I sad? Yes I am.

I am sad because
A.)
I do not know how to do my precalculus homework.
and B.)
my best-friend-elect didn't want me to go to dinner with her.

but I did, and a guy she liked was there,
and she's, i think, frustrated because I came.
she told me afterwards that i "wasn't supposed to come".
well, this makes me sad.
i came, and I paid (for both of them plus me).
but I had a really good time. and i thought they did too.
but i suppose not.

This has been happening a lot lately. I go somewhere with people, and I have fun, and they don't. I don't get it. Am I boring? Ugly? I was going to suggest "illiterate" next but that would hardly make sense, since I'm halfway through a blog post already.
Well, it may seem rude of me at this point, but I actually found him somewhat attractive.
Not that it matters, since Ronnie and I are dating now, and thoroughly enjoying it.
I've never had more fun in a new relationship than I am now. We've had a few unsightly squabbles but I think the pillowfights make up for it.
Not that anyone wanted to know about that.

Anyways, since the last time I posted,

* I started Spring semester.
get me out of college. seriously.
* B-F-E broke the necklace I bought for her birthday.
the day I gave it to her.
* I noticed that I've gotten addicted to serial killer documentaries.
serial killers are seriously weird.
* two of my uncles died. One on December third, one on January seventh.
one that loved me, and one that didn't.
* my mom passed her EMT test last friday, but hasn't done anything to apply for a job yet.
I'm not sure how that process works, but she should have applied already, I think.
* I passed fall semester with a 2.0 GPA.
This is bad, I know it, but a lot happened that semester and I regret it all. My first semester was supposed to be challenging but fun.
It wasn't. It was challenging, heartbreaking, gutwrenching, and worst of all, stressful in ways no one on campus could even understand or really know about.
* I almost got kicked out of Chi O for not being able to pay my dues.
They were ridiculous expensive and I was broke, and they made me sign a form saying that if I didn't pay, I was officially out. I ended up having to like, beg my dad, who paid for that month. But this month is not much better. And it's due kind of soon.

My cat has officially fallen asleep watching me blog.
It is sort of long compared to my standard entry, isn't it?
Oh well. I've missed a lot.

Tonight is the second night of initiation prelude. I have to be at the house in approximately one hour. I really don't want to go but I suppose it's a must?
Damn.
Actual real initiation is tomorrow morning. I have to be in the SUB at 7:45 AM. I don't know if it's even open at that time? But I guess it's not ever locked anyways.
I'm nervous. I don't know what to wear or if I should try and look pretty, or if it even matters.
I just know that tomorrow morning I'm getting initiated and then later that night we're having our family dinner and my great-great-grandbig is coming. Yay.

Oh, and I also know that it's cold. It has been colder this last week than it ever was in 2010. EVER. :/
I don't like that. At all.
Since I was little, since I was in high school even, my world has changed far too much.
I don't like it at all.