Your voice is the soundtrack of my summer.

Counting down the days to Vegas.
I can barely sleep, I've been having weird dreams about everything.
Last night I had a dream that I had a moustache, and something about a baby.
An ugly baby with a funny shaped head.

The Big Event was today.

Worked on a woman's house, raked, trimmed, pulled apart a couple sheds that were falling down.

Got dirty, made a woman smile, worked hard, and spent time with my grandbig.

I'd say today was productive.

Viva Las Vegas.

Andy called me out of nowhere yesterday.

He wants me to go to Vegas with him in June. For an entire month.
I am going.

A, because I miss him and I am excited to see him.
2, because it's friggin' Vegas, which is a place I've never been to, and he promised to take me to California also. 
Maybe I can get him to take me to the Channel Islands. That would make me happy.

Update:
Still scared, still feeling fat, and still hating Centenary.
College, I do hate thee.

Ahh, shit.

So since the last time I wrote,

* I lost my TOPS scholarship for the semester. A long, stupid story, but one that scares the hell out of me.
* Justin has decided he's interested in me, finally. I've liked him since sixth grade, possibly seventh.

* I'm very afraid right now. Very, very afraid for reasons I cannot discuss. Rest assured I'm always thinking about it.

* I've had a hard time sleeping lately. I feel as though I'm being watched. All the time.

* I've lost about ten pounds. I'm now at 140. I want to get to 130, even if it kills me. I don't care how skinny I look once I get there.

I dropped religion yesterday. I didn't want to, but that class was overwhelming and now I'm free to focus on classes relevant to my major like Calculus. I'm really beginning to like calculus, maybe my brain's not working as well as it used to because I absolutely hated math for the longest time.
Well, math is the one thing in my life that is constant. Everything else keeps changing all the time, but math stays the same.
I've decided I need to get a job. I really do not want to work during the summer but if it means I'll have a job when I go back to fall semester, I'm somewhat okay with that.
I've been having the worst cramps for the last two days. But I'm not expecting my period until April.
My life is officially turned upside down. I don't understand much right now.

I'm so upset.

 Apparently my best friend, the one person I've actually trusted since I came here, has been telling my secrets.
Less than a week after I tell them, even.
And I'm really tired of it.
I trusted her with things that lots of people didn't know, but apparently now they do.
And I just hate it. I don't understand why she'd do that to me, knowing I put so much trust in her.
Why would someone DO something like that? When I've had the chance to call her my best friend, and trusted her with things I haven't even told my mother, this is how she responds.
But not to me... to everyone else.

today

has been a long and frustrating day.
I've only completed four of the eight calculus problems that are due in approximately three and a half hours, and I don't know anyone who is good at calculus.
Well, maybe a few people.
I just need to find someone.
BFE is being a real jerk today. Just because you helped me make a stupid Tumblr does not mean you have to educate me about it like I'm four.
"Don't post everything you're doing on it like it's facebook or twitter!"
Well, obviously.
I wonder why she's so angry with me all the time.

my best friend hates me.
my mother feels the need to talk to me even when i'm SERIOUSLY busy.
girls get jealous of me over a guy i'm not even interested in.
guys look over me like i have the plague or warts.
my life may not be hard, but it's fucking terrible.

Am I sad? Yes I am.

I am sad because
A.)
I do not know how to do my precalculus homework.
and B.)
my best-friend-elect didn't want me to go to dinner with her.

but I did, and a guy she liked was there,
and she's, i think, frustrated because I came.
she told me afterwards that i "wasn't supposed to come".
well, this makes me sad.
i came, and I paid (for both of them plus me).
but I had a really good time. and i thought they did too.
but i suppose not.

This has been happening a lot lately. I go somewhere with people, and I have fun, and they don't. I don't get it. Am I boring? Ugly? I was going to suggest "illiterate" next but that would hardly make sense, since I'm halfway through a blog post already.
Well, it may seem rude of me at this point, but I actually found him somewhat attractive.
Not that it matters, since Ronnie and I are dating now, and thoroughly enjoying it.
I've never had more fun in a new relationship than I am now. We've had a few unsightly squabbles but I think the pillowfights make up for it.
Not that anyone wanted to know about that.

Anyways, since the last time I posted,

* I started Spring semester.
get me out of college. seriously.
* B-F-E broke the necklace I bought for her birthday.
the day I gave it to her.
* I noticed that I've gotten addicted to serial killer documentaries.
serial killers are seriously weird.
* two of my uncles died. One on December third, one on January seventh.
one that loved me, and one that didn't.
* my mom passed her EMT test last friday, but hasn't done anything to apply for a job yet.
I'm not sure how that process works, but she should have applied already, I think.
* I passed fall semester with a 2.0 GPA.
This is bad, I know it, but a lot happened that semester and I regret it all. My first semester was supposed to be challenging but fun.
It wasn't. It was challenging, heartbreaking, gutwrenching, and worst of all, stressful in ways no one on campus could even understand or really know about.
* I almost got kicked out of Chi O for not being able to pay my dues.
They were ridiculous expensive and I was broke, and they made me sign a form saying that if I didn't pay, I was officially out. I ended up having to like, beg my dad, who paid for that month. But this month is not much better. And it's due kind of soon.

My cat has officially fallen asleep watching me blog.
It is sort of long compared to my standard entry, isn't it?
Oh well. I've missed a lot.

Tonight is the second night of initiation prelude. I have to be at the house in approximately one hour. I really don't want to go but I suppose it's a must?
Damn.
Actual real initiation is tomorrow morning. I have to be in the SUB at 7:45 AM. I don't know if it's even open at that time? But I guess it's not ever locked anyways.
I'm nervous. I don't know what to wear or if I should try and look pretty, or if it even matters.
I just know that tomorrow morning I'm getting initiated and then later that night we're having our family dinner and my great-great-grandbig is coming. Yay.

Oh, and I also know that it's cold. It has been colder this last week than it ever was in 2010. EVER. :/
I don't like that. At all.
Since I was little, since I was in high school even, my world has changed far too much.
I don't like it at all.